A Helping Hand

Original haiku
spring smile–as queen bee
buzzed–find the nectar hidden
in among the bloomed

First amendment
spring smiles as Queen bee’s–
buzz finding hidden nectar
in amongst the blooms

Among, amongst, suggests that the nectar is anywhere but not in the blooms, like somewhere in between

Sceond
spring smiles as Queen bee’s–
buzz finding hidden nectar
in the scented blooms

Third
spring smiles as Queen bee’s–
buzz finding hidden nectar
in the inviting blooms

Forth
spring smiles–a Queen bee–
buzzing finds hidden nectar
in the inviting blooms

Fifth
spring smiles–a Queen bee–
buzzing–finds hidden nectar–
pollenating blooms

Mine a play on yours.
look–springtime gardens–
spring smiles–brightens up the day
bees seeking nectar

Tanka
Your original
the wind was gloomy
seeing her sad and drooping
the mid spring breeze felt
clouds moved moon breath sky turn white
casablanca smiled wind gust

Amended
the wind was gloomy
seeing her sad and drooping
the mid spring breeze felt
clouds moved moon breathed sky turned white
casablanca smiled wind gusted

Apart from the among in the haiku, and the dropped s’es. and ed’s you compose haiku and tanka within the recomended guideline. Hope I have been of some help, keep them coming. Let me know what you think?

Thoughts Of Word

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5 thoughts on “A Helping Hand”

  1. Reblogged this on Thoughts of Words and commented:

    Amendment did by my dear blogger friend Mick E Talbot, on two of my recent Haiku & Tanka, who help me understand this world of Haiku & Tanka…thank you, Mick…please visit his blog also…there are lots of surprises awaits you…

    Liked by 1 person

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